They say perception is reality, like an angry person lives in an angry world or a happy person basically see happiness all around. We can be standing right next to someone and see the world in an entirely different way! So what can we do to help us see ourself more clearly? Try these four areas.
Think of it like a box split into 4 areas, or 4 quadrants. One of the quadrants (Quad 1) is dedicated to what you know and what others know about you. This could be the things you have in common. We both like football, or we share the same hobbys etc.
Another quadrant (Quad 2) is dedicated to what we think about ourselves, that we think other people know or think about us, but in fact others do not agree. We have a blind area that is at odds with what others see regarding ourself. Or maybe it's what others know about our us, that we had no idea of! It is kind of delusional I guess! We may think we repspect other peoples' privacy, we are not a gossip and that we are proud that we do not share private information that another has given us. But the next thing you know we are in the lunch room at work spreading the information! "Have you heard about such and such .... well blah, blah"! When you confront someone who has this trait, strangely they do not see it as gossip or that they have broken someone's trust. Another example is that you could have a nervous laugh that only comes out in social situations, you aren't aware of it but other are.
On the other hand (Quad 3) there are things that we know about ourself that others do not. We may know why we are scared of lifts or elevators but we are too embarrassed to tell others. We always have an excuse why we need to take the stairs.
The final quadrant (Quad 4) is dedicated to what you don't know about yourself and what others do not know about you. This area is that kind of a twightlight zone. I have found being a counsellor and social worker, counselling is the ideal way of exploring those areas that lay in the twightlight zone. For example you may have arrived at a stage in life where you find you cannot hold down a relationship, you are looking at yourself and counting the failures or unhappy relationships that you have had. Why have you had a string of failed relationships? Rather than say "It was all their fault"! if you look deeper you will probably find it is a mystery. Counselling may help unravel those deeper bits of our prgramming that go way back. Other areas may include whether you are an angry person, have a short fuse, go about rescuing people (eg emotionally), worry too much about how other people see you - all that sort of thing. Others may see you as an angry person but neither of you know why this trait continues in your life.
The two areas, Quads 1 and 4, are kind of black and white. We know what we know (and others know this about us as well) and there are things we do not know that need some exploring (we don't know and others do not know about us).
So how does this idea of the 4 quadrants help us better understand ourselves? In Quad 1 it's pretty straightforward. There's agreement between our inner self and others on what we know (I love sport, I love reading etc). The other areas require us to be ready to receive feedback. Quad 2 requires us to be ready for feedback from others. This is sometimes not easy without getting defensive! In quadrant 4, what we know about us that others do not requires us to be confident and feel safe to tell others if need be.
If you are in a personal relationship and you have spent some time exploring and being open to all quadrants listed here and your partner has done likewise - wow you are in for one powerfully strong relationship!
Some of you may have recognised here that I am talking about Johari's Window. A well used concept to help us in our relationships (including work), better understand human dynamics.
To see the Quadrants in a diagram form, go to http://www.afbmh/org/johari_window.
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